Rebel With A Cause

I finally got my licence. Yay!!!!

In light of the current issues regarding cooking curry, Muslim "chants" being played at McDonald's and the dude who talk shit about his own religion, I can't help but to wonder about a few things.

Hi! I am back from almost half a year's hiatus. Well, many has happened. To name the significant ones includes the General Elections and my graduation ceremony. And $600 from the government. For a blog that is on hiatus, the views kept coming in like it's fresh out of the oven. I'm glad that it serves a purpose. All those information that I chipped in every now and then. My other blog, The Infernal Den, is currently on indefinite hiatus. Azkeel , my partner for that blog had something bigger in mind. So look out for that.


- And all the fuss about my journey towards getting a driver's licence in the past, still I have yet to achieve that goal. Pathetic me. Hahahahaha!!




I'll leave this here for now and maybe I will be back in the future for more of my life's adventure. Maybe not.

I haven't had a proper post for a while. I couldn't be bothered to write an entry but I feel the need to let this out and since it's long, it'll end up here instead of on facebook or twitter. So, this is my story.


26th November 2010


I went to a talk today. Sitting in front of me is a girl I knew from my previous semester class. One thing about her reminds me of a girl I used to have a crush on. The scent of her hair. As soon as the scent hit my nose, I began to think about her. Suddenly I was reminiscing the moments we spend together. The moments we spend after school sitting at the library helping her with one of the modules she's struggling with. Those moments may not be important to her, but it is for me. 


The thing about me is that I don't really get close to a girl but this one is special. She is one of the girl that I really got close to and eventually I fall for her. I can recall the first day of school when I first lay my eyes on her. She dress simply. Tank top, short pants and slippers. Those were the days when wearing slippers to school was not a big issue. So, I was standing there outside my class waiting for class to start and the moment she walked in front of me, my eyes was glued to her. In my heart I was praying and hoping that we would end up in the same class. And my prayers were heard. She entered the classroom and not long after that I enter the classroom. I smiled to her and another guy with a 'Peace' sign and then I said  "Hi!". We then introduced ourselves shortly and we were making small talks. And then we exchange numbers and add each other on MSN. That my friend, is the bestest first day of school ever!!


Throughout that day, me, her and the rest of our team mates hang out together and get to know one another. My eyes was on her while she wasn't looking. I couldn't keep my eyes to myself. After that day, I could've sworn that it feels like we have known each other for very long. We bonded well. 


And then 4:00 p.m. came and it is time to go home. I had no one to walk to the MRT station with. I asked her to walk together with me. She accepted and we walk together. Along the way, we talked and chit chat. Well she's the one talking anyway. I just listened. She had this cute voice and I miss it. Eventually we reached the station and have to part ways. That night I MSNed her. We talk about school and we chat until midnight. That night I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about her. It will be four days until I meet her again. That is when proper lesson starts.


On Monday morning I was excited to go to school. I was happy to finally meet her again. As soon as I enter the classroom I was searching around for her. And there she was sitting down, waiting for class to start. I smiled and greeted her. I don't really talk much to her that day since we were in different teams. I only got the chance to talk to her when we walked home together again. We walked home together for the first few weeks of class and we were close for that time period. After 3 weeks we started to get to know more people in the class and we don't really spend time together much. This went on until the semester ends. That is when I feel that I got no chance with her.


Semester 2 starts. She wasn't happy with her Semester 1 results and she need my help for one of the modules which is Computing and Maths. So I agreed, thinking that this is my chance to win her heart. I mean, this is a win-win situation for both of us. She gets better results and I get to spend time with her. For weeks, I sacrificed my time after school explaining things to her and making sure that she understands everything and hopefully that she can get better grades.


So everyday after school we sat down at the area outside library studying and breaking fast together. It was during the fasting month so we pack food and eat while studying. We also talked to each other. She told me stories about her life, family, previous ex's and shared her problem with me. I feel needed. That's when I got the feeling that she likes me. I know that I have feelings for her. But I kept it to myself because she just had a terrible break up. 


So I kept it in until one day she ask me if there is a girl that I have a crush on. I lied to her and said that there is a certain girl. I wanted to see how she reacts, whether she's jealous or anything. She was excited and keep guessing who this girl is. I gave hints that might make her realise that it was her. But it didn't go as planned. She gave up and let this matter to rest for a while. A few days or weeks later I was chatting with her. She was down and I was comforting her and everything. I managed to cheer her up and suddenly she brought up the topic about my crush again. She really wanted to know and keeps on guessing. So I played along and continued to give her clues and hints. And, of course she got it all wrong.


It came to a point when I feel that she needs to know that I have feelings for her. So I brace myself and I confess to her over MSN. It was an awkward experience. She was confused. I was confused. She ask me if it was true and keep on questioning why is it her that I liked. She ask me what do I expect from her after confessing and I said that I just wanted to let my emotions out since I bottled it up for so long. Sadly, she cannot reciprocate my feelings and said that she don't have the attraction towards me. She said that she don't to be attached and that she wanted to focus on her studies.


I respected her decision and our friendship starts its downward spiral from there. I couldn't face her anymore. I was ashamed. From there the time we spent together studying after school became lesser and she made excuses so as to avoid me. I was emo-ing to myself for that whole time. Since then, we have not been in contact with each other. She now has a boyfriend and I hope that she is happy with him. From time to time I do miss her. Certain things reminds me of her. The smell of her hair especially. That is what drives me to write this post.


Siti Nadhirah Bte Rosli, please know that I miss you. Even though I said that I'm over you, I'm actually lying. I still had feelings for you. I hope that you'll remember me although you deleted me from facebook and MSN. I miss the way you complain to me about every single thing that pisses you off. I miss your smile. I miss talking to you. I miss you! <3

What to update?

Champions of Europe, Champions of the World. There's nothing more that can justify how good the La Roja is.

Congratulations Spain! You guys fought a well deserved victory.